Archive for the 'internet' Category

front pages of accidental irony, edition


the prose of craigslist…

or just a flowery appeal for a blowjob? you decide.

I met you when the lilacs bloomed, it must have been spring. The northeast winds shifted the clouds and chilled the buds, teasing your hair and making me smile. So tall, I had to look up, your shoulders covered the sun and I wondered, wondered how this could be. I hurled towards the moon then, I know not exactly when, but my feet left the earth as I saw you…the most beautiful thing in heaven. Your eyes followed me but I wanted to touch you, or feel your lips brush my thighs, instead I lost my nerve and bit my tongue. A drop of blood blossomed, metallic and sweet, I tasted my days from solitude and vowed to live this one with you. Somewhere I heard a chickadee sing and time froze in April — I fell for you, unfurled my hidden hurt too and imagined your hands lift me higher. 

My life, I live it day by day, and happiness hovers silently like kittens stealing cream; sometimes softly kissing my ears or brushing back a hair, but at other times, like today, your presence made it sublime. Take me. Show me this blinding darkness called love. But go slow when I falter, even if I were never to see light again, envelope me in your strong arms and give me night. Hold me when I cry from this painful pleasure of yours and mine intertwined. Yet deeper still into the abyss, our souls will mix and only a part of me will remain to color these memories. Come to me lover, do not fear. Because of you my pulse flutters like a hummingbird, I am ready, let the fire burn us to ashes. This little death is worth more than a thousand lifetimes without you. 

Michael, it is Spring again, do you smell the lilacs? Do you remember? 


who’s got their panties in a bunch?

the answer may shock you:


today in the craigslist jokes forum

first post:

brand new joke

a teacher goes to school and he doesnt talk much
the students says why are you so quiet today?
he says i left my false teeth at home, i cant talk
then a student goes to the teachers house to get it for him (for extra credit)
then the teacher talks too much
and the stuedents get tired and say whats wrong wtih you why are you talking so much
he says…


you brought me my wife’s teeth!!


New joke, Your gay

what are today’s buzzwords?

why not let a simple google search again answer the questions that briefly flit through my consciousness. and feel free to use these revolutionary terms (with or without definitions or context, really) at your next staff meeting, corporate training event, policy speech, or cocktail party:

today in fanfiction: a very special growing pains

in this edition of internet fanfic, we finally learn what became of tv’s the seaver family after whatever happened in their final episode, which probably involved some of that trademark thickian smarm, a plot-contrived mix-up, and a guy named boner. critically important revelations contained here include: mom and pop seaver are dead, chrissy”s birthday is coming up, and carol is sorry she exists but also knows a thing or two about being used.


Mike came in looking very angry.

“Where is Carol” Mike asked Ben angrily.

“In her room” Ben replied taking a bite of his sandwich.

“How could you do that to me?” Mike shouted as soon as he got into Carol’s room.

“Do what to you Mike?” Carol asked.

“You told on me. I thought you would be on my side since you’re my sister.”

“Mike what you were doing was wrong I had to stop you,” Carol said.

“SO now dating a girl is wrong.” Mike yelled.

“No, Mike you and me both now you were going to use her. Do you know how bad that is?” Carol said getting very angry with Mike now.

“So what. You were right I was going to use her. But she would have gotten over it anyways.”

“No she wouldn’t have, you don’t know how it feels like to be used do you?” Carol said.

“oh and you do?” Continue reading ‘today in fanfiction: a very special growing pains

today in the forums: internet posts taken out of context, WoW edition

Forum: World of Warcraft

Thread: Alliance racials not pvp-oriented? LMAO

User: Jixtaeli
*< Clan Ice >

Posted: 02/20/2007 07:04:57 PM UTC


And someone feel free to explain to me how a human (or to even humor myself, a gnome) would be capable of warstomping? What would you give Taurens exactly? Laying a steaming pile of cow ¤¤¤¤ for you to slip and fall down on?


………. /““ OO)………
………/ |____– ……….
…….*…L……L…………. The Cow says Meow