HANNAH MONTANA RESPONDS!!!!!1

as the number one interest of humans aged 0-19, i have a very busy schedule and a ton of responsibility! you guys! one thing i’ve realized, though i’m not hannah montana, is that a lot of people can’t understand the internet, and thus think that not only am i hannah montana (nee, “milly” cyrus), but that i’ll respond to your letters as her. so i thought, why not do that? doesn’t hannah montana owe that to her fans? and if not, shouldn’t i pretend i’m her and give it to them anyway? YES.

 from: Lauren

“Hannah you are the person that I look up to because when I want to grow up my mom wants me tolearn different languages and go around the world. But I want to grow up and be a rockstar just like you. You totally inspire me. Keep on rockin’ Hannah!

P.S. Please reply and don’t ignor”

HANNAH MONTANA RESPONDS:

Dear Lauren,

I am considerably taller than you, and that significant height advantage has given me a certain world-wariness you’d never understand. Your mom is most likely pinning all of her desires for you in an effort to compensate for the failures of her own life. Don’t travel; everything you need to see and learn in life can be found inside your own home. I’m speaking here of the basement, and sometimes the cupboard. So ignore her advice, get some drums, or a guitar, or some other instrument that you won’t fail at (like your mom likely did!) and keep on rockin’ yourself!

XOXOXO,

HANNAH MONTANA 

 from: baciolx

“hey im her bigest fan all my friends r sick of hering me sing see you agian i no every word to most of her songs lol”

HANNAH MONTANA RESPONDS: 

Dear bacoilx,

All your friends have a degenerative hearing disease, and that is why they don’t like your singing. You sing like an angel! lol.  

Love,

HANNAH MONTANA 

 

from: Ankita Suri 

“Milly I am a big fan of yours . I don’t miss a program of yours Please send me a mail.

  -Your  biggest fan.” 

HANNAH MONTANA RESPONDS: 

Dear Ankita,

Here’s a mail: what is this bullshit? Are you my “biggest fan” or “a big fan?” I just want to know what the T-shirt I’m gonna piss on should say.

Love,

HANNAH MONTANA 

 

from: amanda wells

“hannah do you have a boyfreind yes  or  no and if you do can you tell me pleas.”

HANNAH MONTANA RESPONDS: 

Dear Amanda,

Thanks for your letter. Like every young girl, I dream of getting married to the perfect guy and having a big house and two or three really great children. And like every young girl in Hollywood, I’m fucking Brett Ratner. I hope this answers your question!

Kisses,

HANNAH MONTANA 

 

from: leslie

“hola hannah eres la mejor cantante quew yo a visto en television te queremos muchos” 

HANNAH MONTANA RESPONDS: 

Dear Leslie,

Did you mean to write to Selena? I don’t find that very funny at all.

Sincerely,

Hannah Montana 

 

from: jennifer gerhard

“miley cyrus i look up to you.i smell like farts. i dont want you to think that im a stalker but i know everything about you. im your biggest fan i know all your songs!”

HANNAH MONTANA RESPONDS:

Dear Jennifer,

I LOVE farts!!! Did you know that about me? Let’s be best friends and talk about all the cool stuff you know about me!!

Sarcastically yours,

HANNAH MONTANA 

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