we haven’t spoken in a while. mostly, our relationship has consisted of my avoiding your endless everybody loves raymond (slash friends slash seinfeld slash every other popular sitcom of the last 20 years) reruns and remorsefully tuning in to watch your grating braves’ broadcasts whenever they played the mets.
but new things are afoot in turnerland. while the reruns are still ubiquitous and off-putting, your version of playoff baseball (with a few exceptions*) has been refreshingly enjoyable, and even at its worst, leaps and bounds more watchable than fox.
however, your attempts at original programming (ugh, my boys) and more specifically, the advertising of same, is problematic. wait, wrong word: it’s an assault. so, could you please cool it with the frank tv ads?
listen, this isn’t about my feelings for frank caliendo (he’s generally awful and unfunny, though he does do at least 2.1 decent impressions, albeit mixed in with 37 other lame ones, as is the operating ratio for many impressionists). this is about the incessant advertising. about the incessant awful advertising. about not needing to see never-before-attempted impressionist targets (nicholson! pacino! george w!) trotted out 2 or 3 times during each commercial break. (seriously.) we get it. the dude pretends he’s other dudes (and because he’s a portly fellow, most of his creations, with the exception of his fame-making john madden, bear a poor physical resemblance to their namesake) and says unfunny things with sounds that poorly approximate their voices. there is a program — beginning six weeks from now! — that will showcase this singular talent. some people will inexplicably love it. great. but could you please cool it with the frank tv ads?
*namely: chip caray, the red/green arrow graphic when there’s a runner on first, joe simpson, airing the entirety of “god bless america,” and the continued fellating of everything yankee.