Archive for October, 2007

hey, wildfire victims, iraqi citizens, and others dealing with middling crises: try being britney.

sure, sure, maybe you lost your home in a fire started by a little boy with matches, maybe your country has been invaded and bungled by an outside force, or perhaps you’re poor or lonely or raped or dying. or maybe all of those. that’s rough, but you know what’s, like, really hard? recording albums and shit, and like, remembering you have kids. y’all:

Britney Spears defended her parenting and chastised her critics, lamenting “how cruel our world can be,” in a brief interview on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show Wednesday.

When “American Idol” host, who has a morning radio show on KIIS-FM in Los Angeles, asked Spears if she was doing all she could for her children, Spears replied, “Oh God yeah.”

“People say what they want and do what they do and it’s sad how people, how cruel our world can be,” she said. “At the end of the day … you’ve just got to know in your heart that you’re doing the best you can and that’s basically it.”

bram stoker’s larry king

seriously, what the hell is going on with his hair here. and when will he interview it.

no, no, no. wait…yes! viva laughlin is a GREAT idea!

update: after merely two (2) episodes, viva laughlin has been cancelled. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

oh, right.

woman hits giraffe with car. in south carolina.

for a state plagued by controversy over the confederate flag and pretty much no additional things, south carolina now has another huge, racially divisive problem on its hands: it’s probably being overrun by giraffes. highway giraffes.

dubious? think it was probably a deer or a horse? well, this lady knows what deer and horses look like. from the post and courier (they couldn’t decide on one, apparently):

The 911 dispatcher sounded incredulous.

A giraffe? Yes, the woman caller insisted.

The animal she sideswiped in her car while driving on S.C. Highway 174 near the Dahoo Bridge Thursday morning was a giraffe.

“I do know one thing: it was bigger than a horse,” she told the operator. “I know what a deer looks like. I know what a horse looks like.”

There were two of them in the road, she said. She couldn’t avoid hitting one of them. It damaged her passenger-side mirror.

Were they injured? The caller wasn’t sure. They ran away.

the highly entertaining audio is here. if there was an award for incredulity, the 911 operator should certainly be given some consideration.

hey, remember that baby whose idiot parents let her fall into their well in the ’80s?

well, now she’s angelica huston. and is soon to be a millionaire:

MIDLAND, Texas – The 18-month old girl pulled from a backyard well two decades ago is now a young wife and mother — one waiting to collect donations given to her during her ordeal that are expected to total $1 million or more.

The anniversary of Jessica McClure’s rescue passed Tuesday like almost every other day in the 21-year-old’s life, with no public comment from her about the event that once captivated viewers around the world.

The young wife and mother is living quietly in this West Texas oil patch city, the same one where she fell into the backyard well.

today in fanfiction: a very special growing pains

in this edition of internet fanfic, we finally learn what became of tv’s the seaver family after whatever happened in their final episode, which probably involved some of that trademark thickian smarm, a plot-contrived mix-up, and a guy named boner. critically important revelations contained here include: mom and pop seaver are dead, chrissy”s birthday is coming up, and carol is sorry she exists but also knows a thing or two about being used.

behold:

Mike came in looking very angry.

“Where is Carol” Mike asked Ben angrily.

“In her room” Ben replied taking a bite of his sandwich.

“How could you do that to me?” Mike shouted as soon as he got into Carol’s room.

“Do what to you Mike?” Carol asked.

“You told on me. I thought you would be on my side since you’re my sister.”

“Mike what you were doing was wrong I had to stop you,” Carol said.

“SO now dating a girl is wrong.” Mike yelled.

“No, Mike you and me both now you were going to use her. Do you know how bad that is?” Carol said getting very angry with Mike now.

“So what. You were right I was going to use her. But she would have gotten over it anyways.”

“No she wouldn’t have, you don’t know how it feels like to be used do you?” Carol said.

“oh and you do?” Continue reading ‘today in fanfiction: a very special growing pains

holy crap, the osmonds.

look at how they rock, in the way that only a gigantic mormon family in the 70’s could.