EAGLEMAN

the following is a commercial for one of chicago’s most amazing exports, eagle man insurance. following the video is a transcription of same, done with love and admiration.

“Eagleman”

FADE IN

EXT. STREET, DAYTIME

A shiny black Chevrolet screeches to a halt.

INT. CAR, 1980s

A THUD is heard from above as a BLONDE in the passenger seat turns to look at a BRUNETTE, who is driving. There is most likely a Whitesnake concert nearby.

BRUNETTE
What’s that?

BLONDE
Do you have insurance on this car?

BRUNETTE (covers mouth to hide inadequacy)
No!

BLONDE
It must be Eagleman!

BRUNETTE says nothing and abruptly exits the car.

Cut to close-up of our hero, who is an eagle:

EAGLEMAN (slowly, not unlike a stroke victim)
I’ve got something for you: the lowest-cost SR-22.

EXT. STREET, DAYTIME

EAGLEMAN is now squatting on top of the car as BRUNETTE looks on because she is being paid to do so. EAGLEMAN shits an egg on the car.

BRUNETTE cowers in something approaching fear or boredom as we pull back to reveal that the egg is, in fact, much larger than initially shown and is no longer on the car, but next to it. An eagle head bursts through the pre-cracked egg clutching an advertisement in its beak.

BRUNETTE and BLONDE (in zombie fashion)
Ah, look at those low rates.

FADE OUT

THE END

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