chick publication of the month: that crazy guy!

oh, chick publications. you pocket-sized, proselytizing beacons of intolerance. how would we secular and non-christian heathens ever realize how wrong and misguided our lives were without your impeccably drawn, black-and-white (and now featuring black people!) condemnations of our every move?

thankfully, the burdgeoning internet and chick themselves have relieved us of the troubling duty of scoping out these tiny, paneled judgements by posting them online in an easy-to-be-converted-to-the-true-faith format.

first, a little sample of the idealogy behind the reasonable people at chick, courtesy of their FAQ (emphasis mine):

How can you say that all other religions besides Christianity are wrong? Isn’t this intolerant?

We live in a world where it has become “politically correct” to avoid absolutes. Many want all religions to be given the same honor, and all gods regarded as equally true and equally fictitious. But take these same people, who want fuzzy, all-inclusive thinking in spiritual matters, and put them on an airplane. You will find they insist on a very dogmatic, intolerant pilot who will stay on the “straight and narrow” glidepath so their life will not come to a violent end short of the runway. They want no fuzzy thinking here!

The world contains numerous religions, each teaching a different god. These gods are not the same, and therefore cannot all be the Creator. True Christianity is based upon the Bible, the historically verifiable record of what God did in history. When the principles of the Bible are put into effect in a man’s life, that life is dramatically changed.

This same Bible contains prophecies where men claimed to speak the words of God. The historical fact that these prophecies came to pass is proof that God was, in fact, speaking through them. These prophets foretold an incredible amount of detail about the coming Messiah, and Jesus Christ fulfilled them to the letter. When Jesus Christ rose from the dead, He was seen by so many eyewitnesses, that word of His resurrection spread throughout the civilized world like wildfire. This is historical fact. No ordinary man could ever do this.

We love people of all religions. In fact, we love them enough to want to show them the joy of knowing the True Creator. We are unwilling to lie to them and say that all gods are real, when we know this is not true. We are not being intolerant, but compassionate, desiring to help them find both joy in this life, and eternal life beyond. To do anything else would be dishonest.

so rational! so barely dismissive!

but seriously, it’s important for us all to know why we’re going to hell, so let us count the ways. this month’s feature, that crazy guy!, asks the question: do you love god enough to let him protect you from AIDS?


2 Responses to “chick publication of the month: that crazy guy!”

  1. 1 jeremiasx February 17, 2007 at 5:57 am

    LOL IS THIS FOR REAL??? OMG…I knew they were crazy but this just takes the cake…I really love Chick publications, and as a Mason, they really HATE me…but that’s OK too.

  2. 2 bluevelveeta February 18, 2007 at 1:14 pm

    What’s amazing is how she went from having HIV to full-blown AIDS in about 3 minutes; equally impressive is the good doctor’s Christian bedside manner. And is it me, or is the good doctor endorsing the death penalty as a reasonable solution to extra-marital sex?

    Finally, the title of this novella set me up to believe it would focus on “That Crazy Guy” rather than Suzie’s compromised vagina. Is false advertising also Biblically punishable by death?

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