hey, remember that baby whose idiot parents let her fall into their well in the ’80s?

well, now she’s angelica huston. and is soon to be a millionaire:

MIDLAND, Texas – The 18-month old girl pulled from a backyard well two decades ago is now a young wife and mother — one waiting to collect donations given to her during her ordeal that are expected to total $1 million or more.

The anniversary of Jessica McClure’s rescue passed Tuesday like almost every other day in the 21-year-old’s life, with no public comment from her about the event that once captivated viewers around the world.

The young wife and mother is living quietly in this West Texas oil patch city, the same one where she fell into the backyard well.

today in fanfiction: a very special growing pains

in this edition of internet fanfic, we finally learn what became of tv’s the seaver family after whatever happened in their final episode, which probably involved some of that trademark thickian smarm, a plot-contrived mix-up, and a guy named boner. critically important revelations contained here include: mom and pop seaver are dead, chrissy’’s birthday is coming up, and carol is sorry she exists but also knows a thing or two about being used.

behold:

Mike came in looking very angry.

“Where is Carol” Mike asked Ben angrily.

“In her room” Ben replied taking a bite of his sandwich.

“How could you do that to me?” Mike shouted as soon as he got into Carol’s room.

“Do what to you Mike?” Carol asked.

“You told on me. I thought you would be on my side since you’re my sister.”

“Mike what you were doing was wrong I had to stop you,” Carol said.

“SO now dating a girl is wrong.” Mike yelled.

“No, Mike you and me both now you were going to use her. Do you know how bad that is?” Carol said getting very angry with Mike now.

“So what. You were right I was going to use her. But she would have gotten over it anyways.”

“No she wouldn’t have, you don’t know how it feels like to be used do you?” Carol said.

“oh and you do?”