EAGLEMAN

the following is a commercial for one of chicago’s most amazing exports, eagle man insurance. following the video is a transcription of same, done with love and admiration.

“Eagleman”

FADE IN

EXT. STREET, DAYTIME

A shiny black Chevrolet screeches to a halt.

INT. CAR, 1980s

A THUD is heard from above as a BLONDE in the passenger seat turns to look at a BRUNETTE, who is driving. There is most likely a Whitesnake concert nearby.

BRUNETTE
What’s that?

BLONDE
Do you have insurance on this car?

BRUNETTE (covers mouth to hide inadequacy)
No!

BLONDE
It must be Eagleman!

BRUNETTE says nothing and abruptly exits the car.

some of these kids are apparently too sick to participate in this sick song.

college students are vain? no fucking way.

in a probing study that took more than 20 years to complete and makes me want to shoot myself, san diego state university has come to the shocking conclusion that today’s college students are, like, totally into themselves. the bad news? other people hate pompous dicks. the bright side? it might help you get on idol:

NEW YORK (AP) — Today’s college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors, according to a comprehensive new study by five psychologists who worry that the trend could be harmful to personal relationships and American society.

“We need to stop endlessly repeating ‘You’re special’ and having children repeat that back,” said the study’s lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. “Kids are self-centered enough already.”

also weird and disturbing? “dog police.”

dog police, where are you coming from?

congratulations, spam e-mailers!

you have just reached an exciting new low, as evidenced by the “from” field in my gmail spam inbox:

enslaved Africans <eknzhlgel@barak-online.net>

happy days, people. happy days.

training for christian clowns

Holy shit, this is weird and disturbing: